Wild Women
"The state of matrimony is a dangerous disease: far better to take to drink in my opinion."
~Madame de Sevigne
"The state of matrimony is a dangerous disease: far better to take to drink in my opinion."
"Faith is a law."
"Broken"~Haikus
some songs listed will need to be trimmed down in length.
(we swiped these quotes from actual fortune cookies. send your quotes to us at www.jonessoda.com)
"So, what is all of this exactly, Pinga? How were we created? What happens when we die exactly? What is life? And...Where the HELL ARE WE?!"
Laugh out loud.
The central theme to the book of Proverbs can be linked to Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.” This theme of centrality of the knowledge of God runs through the entirety of the book. The instructions that are given, although they are for everyday circumstances, allude to humankind’s uprightness before God. The thought pattern that the reverence and respect for God in all circumstances brings true knowledge is encouraged in this book through its basic instructions in all situations pertinent to humankind. The book centers on the willingness to learn as important. The book demonstrates these teachings through right and wrong action and how one is to deal with the given situations. The desire of the book was to associate the ideas of the covenant relationship with God to the everyday lives of those who were reading the wisdom literature, as many of the proverbs may have been familiar simply through culture as mentioned earlier. God’s people were brought into the belief that God’s law is something that is part of life and is a duty, and this required obedience. Proverbs calls this kind of obedience the fear of the Lord. This obligation, which is similar to the knowledge of God that they had from the prophetic books, involves reverence, gratitude, and commitment to do the will of God in every circumstance. The main goal of proverbs is to define clearly what it means to be fully devoted to God’s will and seeing his will accomplished in this world.
WORDS OF WISDOM!GENESIS:
The book is generally broken into six sections:
The latter chapters of Genesis describe a great famine which had struck the Promised Land, causing the Israelites to relocate to Egypt. For their kinsman Joseph had risen to a position of great power there; thanks largely to his administrative skills, food in Egypt remained plentiful. Joseph persuades his entire extended family to come live under his protection so that he can support them for the duration of the famine.
LEVITICUS:This book is of special historical interest as furnishing us with details as to the route of the Israelites in the wilderness and their principal encampments. It may be divided into three parts:
The first discourse (1-4) is a historical recollection, recapitulating the chief events of the past forty years in the wilderness, with earnest hortatory exhortations to obedience to the divine ordinances, and warnings against the danger of forsaking the God of their fathers.
The second discourse (5-26) is, in effect, the main body of the whole book, and is composed of two distinct addresses. The first of these (5-11), forms a second introduction, expanding on the Ten Commandments given at Mount Sinai. This other, second, address (12-26) is the Deuteronomic Code, a series of mitzvot (commands), forming extensive laws, admonitions, and injunctions to the Israelites, regarding how they ought to conduct themselves in Canaan, the land they regard to have been promised by Yahweh as their permanent home. For example, Yahweh prohibits wives from making a groin attack on their husband's adversary.
The concluding third discourse (27-30) is hortatory, relating almost wholly to the solemn sanctions of the law, the blessings to the obedient, and the curse that would fall on the rebellious. In this discourse, the Israelites are solemnly adjured to adhere faithfully to the covenant between them and Yahweh, and so secure for themselves, and for their posterity, the promised blessings.
After the final discourse, the text describes Moses preparing himself to die. As the main part of preparation, Moses is described as conditionally renewing the covenant between Yahweh and the Israelites, the condition being the loyalty of the people, and at the same time, Joshua is also appointed by Moses as heir, a leader to lead the people into Canaan.
These addresses to the people are followed by what is generally regarded as three short appendices, namely:
The book essentially consists of three parts:
The Book of Job has been called the most difficult book of the Bible. The numerous exegeses of the Book of Job are classic attempts to reconcile the co-existence of evil and God... Job appears ambiguously as an invocation to righteousness, as a cynical outlook on the idea of righteousness, and as a response to the problem of evil. Scholars are divided as to what the original intent of the poem was, and a few even suggest it was meant as a satire against more puritanical upholding of religion.
PSALMS:
The Book of Psalms, especially if printed separately and set for singing or chanting, is also called the Psalter...is divided into 150 Psalms, each of which constitutes a religious song or chant...
PROVERBS:
The book of Proverbs is referred to as wisdom literature...
ECCLESIASTES:
The author represents himself as the son of David, and king over Israel in Jerusalem (1:1, 12, 16; 2:7, 9). The work consists of personal or autobiographic matter, largely expressed in aphorisms and maxims illuminated in terse paragraphs with reflections on the meaning of life and the best way of life. The work emphatically proclaims all the actions of man to be inherently "futile" and/or "meaningless," as the lives of both wise and foolish men end in death. While the teacher clearly promotes wisdom for the enjoyment of an earthly life, he is unable to ascribe eternal meaning to it. In light of this perceived senselessness, the teacher suggests that one should enjoy the simple pleasures of daily life, such as eating, drinking, and taking enjoyment in one's work, which are gifts from the hand of God. Ultimately the author concludes that his search for meaning to this life points to the fact that humankind's paramount duty is to "Fear God and keep his commandments (12:13)."
SONG OF SOLOMON:
The book consists of a cycle of poems about erotic love, largely in the form of a dialogue between a bridegroom and a bride. The Song of Solomon is not quoted by New Testament writers.
ISAIAH:
The first 39 chapters of Isaiah consist primarily of prophecies of the judgments awaiting nations that are persecuting Judah...The prophecies concerning them can be summarized as saying that God is the God of the whole earth, and that nations which think of themselves as secure in their own power and might will be conquered by other nations, at God's command...The judgments, however, are not only against those who persecute Isaiah's country, Judah...Judah thinks itself safe because of its covenant relationship with God. However, God tells Judah (through Isaiah) that the covenant cannot protect them when they have broken it by idolatry, the worship of other gods, and by acts of injustice and cruelty, which oppose God's law.
...Chapters 24-34, while too complex to characterize easily, are primarily concerned with prophecies of a "Messiah," a person anointed or given power by God, and of the Messiah's kingdom, where justice and righteousness will reign.
JEREMIAH:
The book of Jeremiah depicts a remarkably introspective prophet, a prophet struggling with and often overwhelmed by the role into which he has been thrust. Jeremiah alters efforts to warn the people with pleas for mercy until he is ordered to "pray no more for this people" -- and then sneaks in a few extra pleas between the lines. He engages in extensive performance art, walking about in the streets with a yolk about his neck and engaging in other efforts to attract attention. He is taunted, put in jail, at one point thrown in a pit to die. He is often bitter about his experience, and expresses the anger and frustration he feels. He is not depicted as a man of iron. And yet he continues.
Jeremiah's prophecies are noted for the frequent repetitions found in them of the same words, phrases, and imagery. They cover the period of about 30 years. They are not in chronological order. Modern scholars do not believe they have reliable theories as to when, where, and how the text was edited into its present form.
LAMENTATIONS:
The book consists of five separate poems. In chapter 1 the prophet dwells on the manifold miseries oppressed by which the city sits as a solitary widow weeping sorely. In chapter 2 these miseries are described in connection with the national sins that had caused them. Chapter 3 speaks of hope for the people of God. The chastisement would only be for their good; a better day would dawn for them. Chapter 4 laments the ruin and desolation that had come upon the city and temple, but traces it only to the people's sins. Chapter 5 is a prayer that Zion's reproach may be taken away in the repentance and recovery of the people.
The first four poems (chapters) are acrostics, like some of the Psalms (25, 34, 37, 119), i.e., each verse begins with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet taken in order. The first, second, and fourth have each twenty-two verses, the number of the letters in the Hebrew alphabet. The third has sixty-six verses, in which each three successive verses begin with the same letter. The fifth is not acrostic, but also has twenty-two verses.
EZEKIEL:
The book of Ezekiel is a record of the prophesying of Ezekiel who delivered these oracles and prophecies orally at first.
DANIEL:
The book is set during the Babylonian Captivity, a period when Jews were deported and exiled to Babylon. The book revolves around the figure of Daniel, an Israelite who becomes an advisor to Nebuchadnezzar, the ruler of Babylon from 605 BC - 562 BC.
The book has two distinct parts: a series of narratives and four apocalyptic visions. Three of the narratives involve Daniel, who has the gift of prophecy, interpreting the meaning of dreams and divine omens. Two other narratives feature Israelites who have been condemned for their piety being miraculously saved from execution. In the second part of the book, the author reveals and partially interprets a set of visions which are described in the first person.
HOSEA:
The book may be divided into two parts, the first containing chapters 1-3, and symbolically representing the idolatry of Israel under imagery borrowed from the matrimonial relation; Hosea marries a prostitute, as the Lord said, "The people in this land have acted like prostitutes and abandoned the Lord."
The figures of marriage and adultery are common in the Hebrew Bible as representations of the relationship between God and the people of Israel. Here we see the apostasy of Israel and its punishment, with its future repentance, forgiveness, and restoration.
The second part, containing 4-14, is a summary of Hosea's discourses, filled with denunciations, threatenings, exhortations, promises, and revelations of mercy.
The unique contribution of Hosea is the extended metaphor of marriage in chapters 1-3. There is scholarly disagreement on whether the marriage is entirely symbolic or descriptive of actual events.
JOEL:
A prophecy of a great public calamity then impending over the land, consisting of a want of water and an extraordinary plague of locusts (1:1-2:11)...The prophet then calls on his countrymen to repent and to turn to God, assuring them of his readiness to forgive (2:12-17), and foretelling the restoration of the land to its accustomed fruitfulness (18-26)...Finally, the prophet foretells portents and judgments as destined to fall on the enemies of God (ch. 3, but in the Hebrew text 4).
AMOS:
Chapters one and two look at the nations surrounding Israel and then Israel itself through a moral/ethical filter. Chapters three to six are a collection of verses that look more specifically at Israel's transgressions. Chapters seven to nine include visions that Yahweh gave Amos as well as Amaziah's rebuke of the prophet. The last section of the book (7:1 to 9:8), commonly referred to as the Book of Visions, contains the only narrative section.
OBADIAH:
The Book of Obadiah...is the shortest book, only one chapter long...An Old Testament prophet was [professedly] not only a person who was given divine insight into future events, but a person whom the Lord used to declare his word.
The first nine verses in the book foretell total destruction in the land of Edom at the hand of the Lord. Obadiah writes that this destruction will be so complete that it will be even worse than a thief who comes at night, for not even a thief would destroy everything. The Lord will allow all allies of Edom to turn away and help chase Edom out of its land. What is the reason for such a harsh punishment? Verses ten through fourteen explain that when Israel (the Lord’s chosen people) was attacked, Edom refused to help them, thus acting like an enemy. What is even worse is that Edom and Israel share a common blood line through their founders who were brothers, Jacob and Esau. Because of this gross neglect of a relative, Edom will be covered with shame and destroyed forever. The final verses, fifteen through twenty-one, depict the restoration of Israel and the wiping out of the Edomites. Verse eighteen says that there will be no survivors from the house of Esau once the destruction is complete. Israel will become a holy place and its people will return from exile and inhabit the land once inhabited by the Edomites. The final verse of the prophecy places the Lord as King who will rule over all the mountains of Edom.
JONAH:
...this book tells the story of an apparently inept prophet who becomes one of the most effective prophets in the entire Bible...The book itself was probably written in the post-exilic period (after 530 BCE) and based on oral traditions that had been passed down from the eighth century BCE.
MICAH:
The purpose of writing the book was to express disdain for the corruptions and pretensions of Jerusalem and its leaders. In an era of urbanization, he championed the traditions of early Israel. Micah condemned religious practice untethered from ethical performance (3:9–10, 6:3–5, 6–8). Micah was probably not a professional prophet. He criticizes the prophets who give oracles for money (3:11) or tailor their messages according to their clients' generosity (3:5). His credentials are divine inspiration and his unflinching stand for moral truth (3:8). His strong sense of call is exhibited in virtually every line. Fervently yet concisely he speaks to the issues of his day in terms of Israel's covenant obligations.
NAHUM:
Redundant. Yep.
HABAKKUK:
The major theme of Habakkuk is trying to grow from a faith of perplexity and doubt to the height of absolute trust in God. Habakkuk addresses his concerns over the fact that the punishment for Judah's sins is going to be executed by what was thought to be a sinful nation in Habakkuk's eyes.
In 1:2, Malachi has the people of Israel question God’s love for them. This introduction to the book illustrates the severity of the situation which Malachi addresses. The graveness of the situation is also indicated by the dialectical style with which Malachi confronts his audience. Malachi proceeds to accuse his audience of failing to respect God as God deserves. One way in which this disrespect is made manifest is through the substandard sacrifices which Malachi claims are being offered by the priests. While Yahweh demands animals that are “without blemish” (Leviticus 1:3, NRSV), the priests, who were “to determine whether the animal was acceptable” (Mason 143), were offering blind, lame and sick animals for sacrifice because they thought nobody would notice.
In 2:10, Malachi addresses the issue of divorce. On this topic, Malachi deals with divorce both as a social problem (“Why then are we faithless to one another ... ?” 2:10) and as a religious problem (“Judah ... has married the daughter of a foreign god” 2:11). In contrast to the book of Ezra, Malachi urges the people to remain steadfast to the wives of their youth.
Malachi also criticizes his audience for questioning God’s justice. He reminds them that God is just, exhorting them to be faithful as they await that justice. Malachi quickly goes on to point out that the people have not been faithful. In fact, the people are not giving God all that God deserves. Just as the priests have been offering unacceptable sacrifices, so the people have been neglecting to offer their full tithe to the Lord. The result of these shortcomings is that the people come to believe that no good comes out of serving God.
Malachi assures the faithful among his audience that in the eschaton, the differences between those who served God faithfully and those who did not will become clear. The book concludes by calling upon the teachings of Moses and by promising that Elijah will return prior to the Day of the Lord."You need to open your mind." The words floated off the end of his tongue. "You are on a journey of self-discovery. There is no path that takes more work. You need to be honest. Many obstacles to overcome. Hell, if my mass can ride on that little mouse you see scurrying around, you can make this path of your own." Friendly punch to Pingu's shoulder. "And no drugs," he said with a smirk, "you leave that to the kids."